one of my friends/readers keeps asking me to post miscellaneous stories of funny events that happen - more specifically sans food and for the love of tom ford, devoid of anything related to fashion. and to please be more succinct. well firstly, you can kiss my creamy saffron grits. i can't help that i'm long-winded. i've got a lot to say.
this one's for you, friend.
i dread a trip to costco. i really avoid it but sometimes ya gotta go. if i went more often, smaller trips would be more manageable. this trip is a must though. and it's gonna be a doozy.
i'm at costco yesterday. i knew i had to buy enough soda and water alone to fill an entire cart. i hate the idea of having to get one of those huge, flat, unwieldy carts for "professionals" or whatever they're for. you know, the ones that you put 100 lbs of dogfood on or 10 cases of soda and then struggle to maneuver it around the people who go strictly to fill up on bull$hit snacks at costco. [i don't judge people for the most part, but why in the sam hill do people stand in line for a sliver of a nuked bagel bite or a shot of monster energy drink. i'm so judging you. get a life.]
i picture myself trying to drive that thing and think, i'd rather fill up a cart, check out, take the sodas to my car, then re-enter costco for the remaining items on my ever-loving grocery list.
instead, i called an audible, and decide with some clever packing i can make it happen in just one trip. in fact all that water, sparkling water, ginger ale, sprite, diet sprite, coke, diet coke, et al. did fill the cart.
i go about my annoyedmerry way, questioning this decision somewhat, but plowing through. eventually this cart's so damn full i can't see anything in front of me. i'm nearly mowing people down because i can't see them standing in line for diced processed cheeses with toothpicks. like mice, they have no idea they're in harm's way.
at this point, the in-cart mass i've accumulated, plus the velocity at which it's traveling causes this crazy train to gather uncontrollable momentum. it takes so much force to push the cart that once it gets going, all bets are off. people better stay outta the way of this thing.
next thing you know, the cart crashes itself into a gigantuous corner display of alli, you know the diet drug that makes you {well i needn't go into that here}....i just hope people weren't thinking that's where i intended to go next. the cart just wouldn't go after that. i had to call in for back up. like when a metro bus breaks down on the highway and another has to come rescue it, all the passengers have to deboard and get on a new bus.
cool. what a joyous day of shopping. thought ya might like that one.
this one's for you, friend.
i dread a trip to costco. i really avoid it but sometimes ya gotta go. if i went more often, smaller trips would be more manageable. this trip is a must though. and it's gonna be a doozy.
i'm at costco yesterday. i knew i had to buy enough soda and water alone to fill an entire cart. i hate the idea of having to get one of those huge, flat, unwieldy carts for "professionals" or whatever they're for. you know, the ones that you put 100 lbs of dogfood on or 10 cases of soda and then struggle to maneuver it around the people who go strictly to fill up on bull$hit snacks at costco. [i don't judge people for the most part, but why in the sam hill do people stand in line for a sliver of a nuked bagel bite or a shot of monster energy drink. i'm so judging you. get a life.]
i picture myself trying to drive that thing and think, i'd rather fill up a cart, check out, take the sodas to my car, then re-enter costco for the remaining items on my ever-loving grocery list.
instead, i called an audible, and decide with some clever packing i can make it happen in just one trip. in fact all that water, sparkling water, ginger ale, sprite, diet sprite, coke, diet coke, et al. did fill the cart.
i go about my annoyedmerry way, questioning this decision somewhat, but plowing through. eventually this cart's so damn full i can't see anything in front of me. i'm nearly mowing people down because i can't see them standing in line for diced processed cheeses with toothpicks. like mice, they have no idea they're in harm's way.
at this point, the in-cart mass i've accumulated, plus the velocity at which it's traveling causes this crazy train to gather uncontrollable momentum. it takes so much force to push the cart that once it gets going, all bets are off. people better stay outta the way of this thing.
next thing you know, the cart crashes itself into a gigantuous corner display of alli, you know the diet drug that makes you {well i needn't go into that here}....i just hope people weren't thinking that's where i intended to go next. the cart just wouldn't go after that. i had to call in for back up. like when a metro bus breaks down on the highway and another has to come rescue it, all the passengers have to deboard and get on a new bus.
cool. what a joyous day of shopping. thought ya might like that one.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment