politics and food. food and politics.

dubbing myself, "caterer to congress" sounds snobby, doesn't it? kind of like caterer to the stars. i'm fortunate to have clients who hire me to feed u.s. senators and congressmen. these congressman and their staffers love my food.

[duh, they've been eating crappy food from bull$hit caterers for years, when all they really want is one of jt's mini-burgers.]

i can't say i blame them. we all have to have something to hang our hat on and strangely, this is becoming mine.

honk honk.

remember, this isn't hollywood - our stars are members of congress. more powerful, less attractive. smarter, um, more educated, less fashionable. just look for the little lapel pin to know which one's the star in the room.

it so happens that i have a b.a. in political science, with minors in communications and criminal justice [wow-wee]. i am forever 9 hours short of a master's degree in public administration. i also graduated summa yum foie gras from l'academie de cuisine's professional culinary arts program.

i'm not making this up. i know about both food and politics. [which by the way does not serve me well on dates: one you're not supposed to discuss until like, date #10, and the other has ruined many a potentially romantic evening's dinner by blabbing on and on about the food.]

i wish i could share some interesting nuggets with all of you [both of you] reading this after serving food to some very influential people. this is top secret info. you've heard of doctor-patient confidentiality. i can't tell you what i hear at these dinners and receptions - it would chill you to the bone. it's more drama-filled than that 22 yr old bombshell's story who broke the scandal on the wonkette blog a few years back before we even knew what the f a blog was.

not.

come on, i'm busy making perfect food so that i get hired again and again. i got nothin. i'm not trying to start a watergate. foodgate. i'm just trying to happy up our too-serious and self-involved town with my food, one political fundraiser at a time.

i always wanted to be a politician, growing up. i was the girl {attention-seeking nerd} who ran for every possible office in school (especially the ones with big titles but few responsibilities - like, key club vice president. i suck at math as you may know). my mom told me in high school i had too many skeletons in my closet to be a politician. what, what? seriously? it's not like i was sleeping with prostitutes or forgetting to pay my taxes.

my political career started early. i was the instrumental brainchild of a backdoor vote-trading scandal that got me the illustrious position of state speaker of the house (youth & government) at age 16. impressive, yes?

at last, my dream of becoming a politician is now in bud, much like our beloved cherry blossoms in the tidal basin.

a member of the board of my condo association/my former dog-walker has approached me to be nominated from the floor of the upcoming board meeting where annual elections will take place. she has collected the proxy's of many apathetic condo owners so she can vote on their behalf. if she wins her seat on the board, she can then nominate me from the floor and use all those proxy's to vote me in. as winner. as the politician i was always destined to be.

it is a one-year position to finish out the term of someone who couldn't fulfil her obligation {read: someone who has a more interesting life; a non-meddling, nosy neighbor who's probably had it with the redonkulous nonsense that goes on in the board meetings}.

after a few days of thinking about it, i thought, "hell yeah, i have a platform."

and i'm not referring to my fabulous new louboutins. i have condo needs and want to see what the f is going on in our 'hood. it's high time the hip young people in our neighborhood take over and make this a cool place to be. is it possible?

"we" are running against a couple of people on the "evil" side. read: old, boring and unkempt, nosy, narrow-minded, keeping our neighborhood in the dark ages, blah, blah, blah. "they" think they are running unopposed. little do they know we're gonna backdoor them. heee, love it. who doesn't love a good scandal? did i mention richard nixon used to live in my neighborhood in his early political years - just across the street from me.

oh and if you're wondering what my agenda will be:

of nearly equal importance:

a) the "cool" pool/lyon's lane pool should not open in late JUNE for the love of all things holy. why doesn't that mother-trucker open memorial day like the uncool pools do? wtf? oh and change that baby pool into a hot tub. every pool doesn't have to have a cesspool for toddlers. we can have one for adults, right?

b) dogpark - i'd like to meet a hot guy in my neighborhood and let my dog romp around off his leash. we have plenty of unused land. let's do something productive with it, like create a happy place where dogs run free and attractive single people can begin a spring romance. i'd even be willing to graciously sacrifice some of the park my condo overlooks for that dogpark/hot guy hangout. i'll even serve beers and margaritas/gourmet snacks wearing a very cute apron

c) some condo owners who aren't officially in "patio units", but have the means and wherewithall to create a lovely patio setting that enhances and beautifies the neighborhood should be allowed to have a patio. take that suckas

c1) correspondingly, those who have trailer-trash sanford & son bull$hit junking up your yard will be placed under citizens arrest if it is not removed. kidding, sort of - get rid of it. just cuz you have a patio unit doesn't mean you can put a bunch of crap out there for us to look at. i can only imagine what's inside your house if this stuff is spewing to the outdoors

c2) unrelated but this reminds me: that ALL lower level (lincoln model) units must have blinds/window coverings on the bathroom windows. imagine the horror of catching a glimpse of my 400 lb neighbor sitting on the growler taking a grumpy while reading his paper!! omg! gross! ice cream~palm trees~happy place

d) direct tv - if you want direct tv, you should be able to have it. period. i don't want it but i don't give a frog's fatass if someone else does. knock yourself out. it's supposed to be a free country

e) christmas decor on the outside of the house should be taken down by jan 31 you lazy bastahds

f) why can't the recycling guys come more than once per week? if the world's to become a greener place it can start with us. plus, i can't keep saving all my recycling up for a blinking week, it's out of control. see, i'm not totally shallow, people

g) why are the people in the office so rude? i'm paying over $300 a month to pay your salaries. act nice, you grumpasaurus rexes. piss me off.

h) can we talk about central heat and air? geez, how hard would it be to just get it over with already. baseboard heating and window a/c units are unattractive and sooooo 30 years ago. let's spend that rainy-day money

i) snow-shoveling of our steps. do iiiit. i'm a girl. i need it

10) take the locks off the tennis courts. i can't find my key and i want in. i haven't seen any rogue tennis players in the neighborhood lately, i think we're safe

11) dog swim. dogs like to swim and they should be able to from time to time - fairlington lets their dogs swim on the last pool day, as well we should

12) parallel parking. if there's like 3' between your car and the next car because you don't know how to park, you're under citizens arrest. i hate coming home late and can't park because everyone's got too much room between their cars. perhaps you've heard me yelling/cussing like a sailor late night? i'll stop if you simply learn how to park. let's be courteous to all our neighbor parkers coming home late from the bars

13) park fairfax workmen should be working, not sitting in their parked vehicles for an hour whilst i carry in 900 lbs of groceries

14) free wi-fi. i hate comcast. 6 people per bldg are paying for wi-fi. we should have it for free - paid for by the association and give comcast a set neighborhood fee. they own us, and it pisses me off. losers.

15) i'll bring yummy gourmet snacks to the condo association meetings

there's prob more but i'll keep you posted on this heated election as necessary. rock the vote on april 15.

matchbox vintage pizza bistro, 521 8th street se, capitol hill, dc

so a couple saturdays ago after my birthday evening out, my dear friend and i (in rough shape much like our younger years found us on saturday mornings) decided we better check out the new matchbox location on capitol hill in hopes of curing what was ailing us. the night before was a champagne wonderland of girls being girls. girls gone wild. minus the midriff baring, beer-chugging keg-stands. our version of girls gone wild is much more civilized than it used to be but so much fun, nonetheless.

so, i picked her up saturday morning (at 1:30 pm) from undisclosed location near cap hill wearing same outfit as night before. black, sequined shirt, skinny black pants, platform pumps and all, slightly less glamorous than she looked the prior night. let me tell you this was no ordinary february 7 - it was gorgeous outside - nearly 65 degrees - so her get-up was even funnier we thought.

oh thank goodness the fine folks at matchbox had a seat for us. (rumor has it it's been jam-packed since day 1 and it's a biatch to get in to). sadly they didn't have a booth for us. isn't that all we really want in life - a nice cushy booth with lots of space and no one touching us, no one close enough to hear us, smell us, or even look at us when we're hung over? oh well we can't have it all. we were actually sitting uncomfortably snugly between two couples along the wall. and you know what? we didn't give a rat's arse - we were happy to be laughing and rehashing the night before - again, just like old times.

everyone has already been to the matchbox in chinatown, i'm sure, but i'm writing about this one, ok? i haven't been to the old location in moons as it happens so i'm talking about it like i've never been, which i haven't, to this just-opened location.

oh my brain was not functioning that day. how i went from not wanting to celebrate my birthday at all to having a full-fledged 3:30 am stumbling home blowout i don't know. what the heck happened to me? i'll tell you what happened. i never go out - i'm boring and busy and never go out. therefore when i do, it's like letting a wild, caged animal out of the zoo. he goes crazy, throws caution to the wind, finds a lampshade and puts it on his head, dances in public like michael jackson and thinks he's really funny. really really funny. that aside, back to matchbox, the new locale.

it's so incredibly big, ginormous. you think it's going to be a tiny little hole in the wall from it's downplayed location on 8th street, nestled amongst the beer pubs, and old mixed with new shops of all sorts. everything is new and shiny and clean but rustic with exposed pipes and brick. i love the look of it. they have a loft upstairs too - thank goodness they didn't make us walk those stairs though. i think it'd be fun to sit at the high-top tables at the bar too next time. note to self for future: i think there might be some hotties hanging out here on the weekends, drinking beer with their gourmet pizza. could be my type of guy.

we were so excited to get a pizza. matchbox is known for having great pizza - the kind i really love - thin, crispy crust with simple toppings. we had a hangover hankering for a tomato and mozzarella pizza with basil. simple.

well that is until we saw the mini burgers! we must order those too, we said. and we did. you should know mini burgers are all the rage now. but people call them mini burgers and they're really not that mini - they're actually the perfect size burger. (i make the smallest burgers in town - and they're mini burgers - they're tiny burgers; maybe i should call them mini sliders, because a slider is a mini burger, right?)

anyway, we get three mini burgers, ordered with bleu cheese on top. well, we think our neighbors got our burgers and ours came with smoked gouda or something. oh well, they were still really good. they come with a mountain of fried onions on top. impressive looking but they're too thin to eat. they're also not crispy. they're limp and oily. hey, limp and oily actually reminds me of another story. well, perhaps another time. i know a lot of people really go crazy for these but not me. they fall into the shoestring fry category for me. i like a little more substance in my fried onions (and my french guys, i mean fries).

we ordered our pizza and started to eat it when sadly, the crust isn't crispy at all! turns out the mozzarella and tomatoes have so much water in them they can't get the crust crispy! what??? oh no - this won't do. no gummy pizza when you're hung over.

our neighbors sitting {in our laps} next to us to us (probably annoyed with us eye-balling their pizza like starving children) inform us they too have ordered the mozzarella tomato pizza with disappointment, sent it back to be "crisped up" without luck. damn, sam. they said we could have some of their pizza if they wanted. sweet, no?

see, this is what i'm talking about: you're just too close to people in some restaurants. somedays you feel like making friends with your neighbors and some days you just don't. when i should have been a grumpasaurus rex though, i actually didn't mind - the alcohol level in my blood was still fairly high i think so i was somewhat perky and still pretty darn funny. my friend couldn't resist telling them she doesn't normally dress like this on saturday afternoons.

by the way, they don't have fresh tomatoes - we asked! darnit, they were using stewed whole tomatoes. i know tomatoes aren't in season but still, roast up some fresh ones - that's what you do when they're not in season! please for the love of all things holy!! call me for a quick and useful lesson on making fresh tomatoes taste good - roast 'em up! garlic, olive oil, herbs, salt, pepper, sugar. geez, louise!

instead, we ordered a different pizza. sausage, roasted red peppers and onions. it came out hot and crispy and perfect. i wished we'd gotten a large but we only had a medium. neighbor boy ordered the best looking bloody mary i think i've ever laid eyes on. for once i just couldn't do it though. i knew it would easily send me back into la la land and i had to get home and watch some quality lifetime television for women movies and rest. (neighbor boy was, by the way, pretty cute my friend tells me - i was too blinking close to distinguish his features - kind of like a monet.)

you know, one of the things i think is kind of strange in this today's age of restaurants shutting down all over the place because of the economy, lowering their prices, firing people, etc., when i see the amount of money that must've gone into the menus at matchbox i think what a waste. they're gorgeous, sleek and chic as can be bound with real wood on the front and back covers. the decor of this place is so cool because it's done so perfectly well - it's so clean and new but has a rustic, not trying-too-hard, casual appeal to it. then the menu goes against everything else they've done to create this feel. i don't get it. i'm sure no one else thinks of this but me. just an observation.

i was real happy with that place, i gotta tell you. i love the atmosphere. the 2nd pizza we got was perfectly done just right. we boxed up the first one and i ate it later. from the comfort of my sofa as i used the rest of my day to fully recover from the transgressions of the night before.

thank goodness for matchbox pizza.

vinoteca 11th & u streets, washington dc

after checking out a neighborhood art exhibit opening of a friend, the girls and i popped over to vinoteca for a snack and, of course, some wine. it's not my first visit to vinoteca, in fact i've come several times.

vinoteca has some notable characteristics and i'll give it a shot capturing them all.

it's an amalgamation of hippy, boho, chic, grunge, urban, laid back, neighborhoody, stylish, wine-snobbery, friendly, inviting, look-cool-without-trying-too-hard, hopefully you know a thing or three about fine food kind of place.

have i confused you? point is, all kinds of people will enjoy vinoteca and it's a not-too-intimidating place to learn about food and wine if you need it; otherwise, sit back, relax and enjoy its slow-paced nature. row house turned restaurant, this place feels like it's been decorated by your best friends but has a raw, inner-city sleekness to it, to boot.

i'm happy the patio is open for seating on this early october evening of 70 something degree weather. the view is urban and colorful and typical for the new spots on u street - being an area that's up and coming, you're used to seeing a mixture of new and dilapidated buildings and all sorts walking by. unfortunately you hear almost constant earsplitting sirens of firetrucks racing by. it's just what it is, you're in the city, and you know it.

don't let the vibe fool you - it may seem laid back but they're not playing around when it comes to wine or food. the wine list is lengthy and sophisticated and what's more, you can order a flight of wine for comparison or discussion or just plain enjoyment. they offer by the glass - a 2.5 oz taste or a 5 oz glass. pretty cool, no? they experiment with house-made charcuterie here; a respectable and risky endeavor as this takes time and effort like you wouldn't believe. the menu is composed of a few nice salads, sandwiches, panini. the entrees mostly include what i'll call classics like duck confit and sauteed rainbow trout with pommes puree and beurre blanc but is also sprinkled with these smart boys' more inventive ideas like salmon and cantaloupe or bison hangar steak with dill chimichurri and housemade "tommy sauce". what's tommy sauce?

i should preface the rest of this information by saying one of my favorite reasons to come here is because the three gentlemen running the kitchen are three of my former students. i'm not trying to take any credit for their astuteness in the kitchen because they were all talented in school. they shared a natural knack for cooking and care of food both of which cannot be taught. it was obvious to me that they worked hard, took school seriously and loved what they did (noteworthy because for every culinary school student who cares about the food, there is one who does not - and perhaps i will address this someday in another article). i digress. clearly these dudes were destined for this. in my opinion, culinary school breeds a couple of things hopefully: professionalism, knowledge, the drive to be a genuinely good cook and friendship. after their respective externships at highly-acclaimed restaurants scattered about dc, they quickly (and some would say, prematurely from an educational and experience standpoint) jumped aboard a ship bound for who knew where. risky? perhaps, but why not, they're young, smart, driven and proud.

anyway, back to the food and the experience.

after a quick hello to my friends in the kitchen, where i learned about a couple of new menu additions: bison steak tartare and shrimp and saffron grits wrapped in a crepe, i knew i wanted to try those. friends had already ordered the famous vinoteca beef sliders, little burgers with caramelized onions and cheese on top. i ordered a surprisingly good glass of 2006 hall vineyards sauvignon blanc. reasonable at $11 a glass. while the cheese flights seem like a flexible, common-sensical way to enjoy a cheese tasting, as a cheese aficionada, i found it to be rigid. why? because i wanted a few different kinds of cheeses (humboldt fog from the american tasting, the manchego from the spanish and my all-time favorite colston-basset stilton which was not available in a flight). well if you do this, as explained by our waitress, that is, if you order random cheeses you don't get the yummy little accoutrements you would if you ordered one of the cheese flights (like quince paste or walnuts, blueberries and whatnot). being gracious, i ordered the american flight because my friend wanted the humboldt fog. unfortunately something went awry though and we received two hard cheeses; i didn't mention anything - they were good but i'm pretty sure we were supposed to get pepato and it wasn't on the plate.

the food arrives and the burgers are not surprisingly muy delicioso, though i think a little more salt could have made them perfecto (just me). the bison steak tartare was good, it was spicy with fresh jalapenos and whole grain mustard. the problem for me here was the dill. i like dill; i love dill, in moderation. in here there was too much dill and it overpowered the flavor of the bison for me. poised atop the tartare were crispy delicate homemade potato chips that added a nice touch though. i must add that i did eat all of the tartare - the dill started to grow on me with every bite. the shrimp and grits in the crepe were quite nice. perfectly seasoned, beautifully presented atop a bouillabaisse sauce (learned later from chef seth as the waitress didn't know). the saffron was an excellent idea to add to the grits and i will be stealing the crepe idea from chef russell (thanks, russell).

all in all another enjoyable evening at vinoteca. service was a little slow on the refilling of the wine but our pixie waitress was charming and sweet nonetheless. i'm so impressed and proud of my friends seth, brennan and russell, who took such a chance. perhaps i'm secretly a little jealous. these gentlemen deserve a lot of respect and i wish them all the best.