churchkey, 1337 14th st nw, logan circle, washington dc

i'm becoming predictable, no? checking out the new happenins at 14th st nw. again. perhaps i'll name my first-born logan shaw since i'm preoccupied with the eats and drinks in this 'hood. tonight, a friday, another new resto/bar is our destination. opened by the neighborhood restaurant group within the month, birch & barley [the downstairs resto] and churchkey, the upstairs beer bar with over 50 beers on tap and 500 bottles. oh and if this means something to you: 5 english-style casks sans excess co2. evidently ground-breaking in dc. to me less co2 just means a hangover-free saturday.

note: the birch & barley restaurant looks like a great date spot. sparsely furnished and very dimly lit. i think you can bring a less than attractive date here and be ok with it. the walls are amazing - looks like tree trunks are built into them. wild guess: birch?

until i can manage a date, upstairs to churchkey.

well, not exactly. you have to stand in line for a while staring at the steps that you're praying lead to hordes of cool goodlookings. yep you heard me. this blows people. it's a beer bar. standing in line to go to get a couple of beers feels ridonkulous. especially in a faux fur vest and my new platform barbara bui boots. (my new barbara bui boots; mine are gray and totally out of control.]

the doorgentleman has a really crappy job i think. would you like to be the guy throngs of thirsties are glaring at? he should try to be more entertaining to take our minds off the fact.

we were first in line so the wait wasn't too dramatic. upstairs, it's much bigger than birch & barley, deceptively spacious. and packed with all types clientele [except hot straight guys of course]. this place is superbly hip. the decor is a combo of gritty rustic with sleek elegant. anything goes i guess and i like that.

if you didn't know, i'm not a beer connoisseur [i can't know everything about everything. my pea-brain is kind of like a crowded bar - one in/one out, you know?]. i like beer. ummmm beer. no i do, i like a cold beer sometimes. drinking draught beer often lands me in bed with a post party headache for which there is no cure. therefore i avoid it at all costs and typically go for lame american bottled beer served superfrigid. tonight i'm throwing caution to the wind. while in rome, blah, blah, blah. expanding horizons, becoming more well-rounded. whatev you get the picture. i love to learn new stuff.

each beer is properly served: in the glass that emphasizes its nuances and at the temperature it tastes best. who knew beer was so complicated? this is no bar for homer simpson. and i didn't see any duff.

this also isn't a bar to really mull anything over if you don't have a barstool. be ready to tell the bartender what you want when you make eye contact. you know that game. stand there staring with mouth open ready to pounce when he looks your direction else wait like a buffoon wishing for beer. having a cc in hand or cash helps too. actually this bar is well-staffed and it doesn't take long at all to get served.

my girlfriends are considerably beersmarter than me and know what to get. i decide to start with the tap on the far left. no matter the beer, that's what i'll have and proceed to work my way from left to right. a good strategy, no? you just have to be able to keep count of how many you've had. which can be tricky when the alcohol percentage by volume is slightly higher in these beers than that of coors light. you can request a tasting glass of beer before committing. a great idea for most. i'm trying to move beyond my commitmentphobia. if you recognize this, color me impressed: i start with the kasteel triple, exclusive to churchkey. 11% alcohol by volume, in a 13 oz tulip glass. i like it but it's mammoth-strong like donkey kong.

check out the menu first. though overwhelming, it is well-organized for beerignorami like me. choose from crisp, hop, smoke, authentic cask ale, malt, fruit & spice, roast or tart & funky.

isn't it every person's dream to happen upon barstools the moment you walk in? it's not gonna happen here. people stay the dur here. once you're in, you're in and not leaving. we actually had a very minor scuffle with a pot-bellied grumpasaurus rex who got a little pissy with us when we made a barrangement with a couple getting ready to leave their seats.

you see what i'm talking about? men are so not gentlemanly in this town sometimes. he actually looked at three cute chicks and said he'd been waiting longer than us. man up, dude. for real. how terrifically whiney of him. we graciously relinquished those stools but not without the gentle reminder that it's friday, he should try to have some fun. fun hater beergut man. he should be ashamed and you just know he's wearing sensible shoes.

as you well know, good things happen to good people and we eventually got our lil butts into a booth. which is crucial because we need food as alcohol takes effect quickly when you're not used to strong beer. mac & cheese sticks. highly recommended by a couple of people, though not by this girl. sorry but i'm not a fan. a nice charcuterie board though, with pork rillete i believe. yummy. grilled bread was served with it, but why are they so miserly about it? ordering more, here's what we got:

(are you joking me? 3? why so tightfisted with the bread?)

we also ordered some fries. all food was pretty pedestrian, which is fine but it's not done well. they really just focus on the beer. as long as your barfood expectations are low you'll be ok with it. i read the burger's good from the same people that liked the mac & cheese sticks.

i also read about servers not being knowledgeable. i can't report on that. like i said, i worked my way from left to right and managed to drink four, which i is respectable because they sneak up. and beer is filling as you know.

oh and there was a line to get in here all night. i don't know what to tell you to do about that. i think you can call for reservations but there's nothing on opentable.com except for birch & barley. here's the number: 202.567.2576. give it a whirl. unless you like standing in line.

quill, the jefferson hotel, 1200 16th street nw, washington dc

i love the smell of new. especially when it's wafting within the splendidly-detailed vestibules of an authentically old building. the folks who redesigned the jefferson weren't playing around; they expertly managed to preserve all the grandiose and stately elements you'd expect of a hotel named after the great thomas jefferson. in washington dc. a tourist's dream. sometimes i feel so important-lucky. this place makes you feel lucky to be here - and not in a condescending pretentious way. it's an elegant treasure and i'm officially revering it as such.

i didn't even know the jefferson hotel existed until all renovations were complete and it reopened with the news of new dining spots. powerfully stunning, this place. the girls and i popped in for a bite and some cocktails just after it opened a couple of months ago. we saw everything - kind manager played the role of our personal tour guide upon arrival [we might've gotten thirsty as he was showing us the conference rooms and libraries. though they were impressive, we were ready to get our paws on some cocktails].

so, plume is the uber-serious looking fine dining resto featuring chef damon gordon [formerly of alain ducasse, ny]. i say uber-serious because of silk covered walls, 18th century reproduction chairs, and over-the-top wall sconces. but, tucked away is a suprise cozy fireplace. tres romantic. another night perhaps.

the jefferson is also home to the greenhouse, serving power breakfasts and express lunches, according to the website. i probably won't be dining here anytime soon. unless for some kickass reason i end up having a room there for a night. yahoo.

tonight we opt for quill, the lounge and terrace. it's another dc bar following in the trend of hand-crafted cocktails. handcrafted equals high dollar too normally, and perhaps i'm impervious nowadays but these are all $15. i think it's brilliant that they're all the same price. keeps it easy. hey, some places have $20 cocktails.

we ask to sit on the terrace. it's tiny, very dark and cozy and we're treated like the princesses we are. led to our seats, don't think for one second we didn't notice the hottie bartender. at least i did.

my friends who can't not do champers didn't indulge in the complicated cocktails. but, always wanting to experiment, i opted for something called the master mind. not to be confused with the mind-eraser, i can't remember what the hell was in that thing - it was a long list of ingredients. i think i should've had the strawberry basil mojito like another friend did [tho i'm pretty sure she ended up having 9 of them and spent the following day experiencing their subsequent wrath]. after that i tried the maya, which included a not-so-fun molecular foam of orange. foams are fun to bath in but i don't want to drink them.

on to the food. the salmon tartare was perhaps the most beautifully presented tartare of salmon i've ever seen. [and that includes bouchon.] it was also perhaps my favorite of all the dishes we tried.

let me take a moment to yell at the top of my lungs that if you ever see anything on a menu with both foie gras and bon bons in the title you should indisputably get it. would you question that? would you even need a fraction of a moment to deliberate? if so, get your head checked on the double. holy mother of monticello, someone should sell those from a street vending cart. seriously. anyone with me on that, gimme a call. i'll sell those little yummies all day long. i was a tad sad that for $18 you get three miniscule bon bons. fortunately one friend didn't care to partake. and yes, i strongly suggest she address her fear of foie with her therapist.

opting to check out the bartender hottie, we pay tab and move the party to the bar. noticing couple enjoying a basket of fabulous looking french fries, we ask for those. ok, so the bartender has one of those deep sexy baritone voices. that's hot. he's also got a nice smile and clearly he knows what to do with his hands as we gaze upon his cocktail shaking and stirring in wonder. i order another, this time bartender's choice [as you well know, i like to put the onus on the staff]. moments later we've befriended him. he's funny, interesting; he writes sit-coms too. something sexy about a bartender [lots of drinks helps]. alas, dc might be getting cool. it's about freaking time we attract a new lot of cool people. and the more male, the better.

noticing what looks like a wedding band on his right hand, we discuss what that might indicate, hopefully discreetly but likely not. someone finally gathers some cahones to ask.

evidently he is married. to a greek orthodox, who i'm sure is gorgeous. he informs that in greek orthodox marriage, wedding bands are customarily worn on the right hand. hmm.

amongst ourselves we called bull$hit on that. we did. i'm only slightly embarrassed to say that after researching it [all in the interest of accuracy as well as education for this blog], this dude's for real. to that i say: that's just not fair. it's false advertising. if i get married, you're wearing your ring on the left hand, buddy, because you're hot and i don't want chics like me scoping out your chili. period. irritating.

p.s.

eat at quill anyway. i liked everything i ate, plus the service was fab so i highly recommend but i'm still a little miffed about barhottie, if you wanna know the truth. i was really over it til i wrote this and was reminded how cute he was.

cava mezze, 523 8th street, se, barracks row, washington dc

ok, so lately i'm socializing on 8th street, southeast. aka barracks row. it's so easy to be there. if you wanna see me, invite me to nearly anywhere on 8th street and i'm alloverit.





i kinda want to move to that 'hood. seriously.

the restored barracks row district has it all in this smartly-dressed girl's estimation. and it keeps gettin better.

starting with the new greek resto, cava mezze. and as you well know, i love all things a la grecque [that's french for greek]. and since i can't seem to get my we-wear-short-shorts wearin' arse overseas, i'll happily settle for cava mezze for now.


the 8th street se corridor is a peaceful, casual neighborhood lined with historic rowhouses, in walking distance to lots of stuff. and there are always people out and about. if you don't have a dog, get one or borrow one. they have no less than three doggie boutiques on 8th, which is peculiar. but cool. philippe digs it too. [love that little guy with curiously good taste.]


i've kinda been obsessing about becoming a part of this community lately. the neighborhood is an amalgamation of all kinds: young broke hill staffers, military, cute young couples, baby buggies, gay guys, and hopefully attractive single straight guys if i'm serious about moving there.


of important note, the place is crawling with captivatingly cute marines milling around. the marine corps barracks are situated at the end of 8th street and that's where they live i guess. you should really try to get over there at the crack of dawn if you want to see them working out. who loves ya, baby?

my, my, they are fine specimens to behold. all fresh-faced, and perky and angular. and those summer blue-white dress uniforms are tadiefor. meow. my heart beats a little faster when i'm on 8th street. i feel a spring in my jimmy choo'ed step.


[i know, i know what you're thinking. i don't need a lecture. these young boys are like fireflies - they're fun to look at but you don't really want one to land on you.]


back to the newest spot to grace 8th. cava mezze. if i used caps i would capitalize the word coolio here. i totally have a crush on this place.



firstly, i love a summertime patio. cava mezze has a rooftop deck as well, sadly it's only open on thurs-fri-sat. what the?

for the love of the few, the proud, open that bad boy up. what are you waiting for?





cava mezze's got a chill vibe with undeniable style. really interesting mod lighting fixtures. it only took us 10 minutes to grab a spot on the patio. bonus. it was a monday.

i should mention it's half-priced bottles of wine on mondays. i don't give a black-footed ferret's ass about prices but hey, it's nice when something's almost free.

we enjoyed a couple three bottles of segura viudas cava, normally 40 but tonight only 20. guess that's why they reserve half-priced bottles for mondays - we all need to be back to work the next day. it was yummy bubbly and beyond that the bottle was cool. it was worth 20 bucks empty i think.

as you probably guessed if you're smart, which you are, because you're reading this, this spot's all about small plates. mezze.

appetizer-lover that i happen to be, i feel like i just entered st. peter's anteroom, the waiting area just outside the pearly gates. this menu, it's overwhelming me with so many small plate choices. it's enormous. where to begin. hoo rah.

oh and they bring you for free pita with olive oil, some red-orange spicy-as-hell pottage for dipping and warm kalamatas. i can't express how lucky i am for all the freebies i've been getting lately. what gives?

we share more than our share of goodies. before we can decide upon anything, we saw some jaw-dropping fries walk by. this summer's must have accessory.

how absolutely darling is that sweet little fryer basket? those handcut fries were evil good.

we also ordered the obligatory hummus and pita. just in case. yum, standard. yum.

greek grilled cheese was stickyummy. kefalograviera [huh?] cheese melted on yummy bread and drizzled with honey and sprinkled with thyme. holy mother of socrates. brilliant i say.

calamari: how boring. admit it though, isn't it your life's mission to find the perfectly cooked calamari? i don't know why it's so hard, but most places can't get it crispy. there's nothing worse than floury tasting calamari that's mushy. ick. cava mezze's is pretty good, some of the better that i've had i think. the best is still found over there at the capital grille. hands down. but, this shouldn't disappoint less critical eaters.

so brace yourselves, the both of you, for this one. lamb sliders. chopped grilled leg o' lamb with (not-so-greek) jalapenos, feta, arugula and yogurt. if you can take the spice you're gonna love these little darlings. just make sure you've got a grip on your glass cuz they're they're fiery little bastards. served on toasted and good but not homemade buns.

so, mezze. (meh-zay). the pleasure of savoring little plates of food with wine and drinks. according to the menu. i can't wait to go back. new hangout, no question.

heaven knows we need to consider abandoning lola's [home of what we're not-so-fondly referring to as spring break '09] where we get ruffied by the bartender.

ceiba, 701 14th street, nw, dc

ceiba used to be a thursday night hangout for my friends. the bartenders practically used to shout, "norm!" when we walked in. now it's probably considered washed up and old news. it is like 4 or 5 years old, afterall. it's seen its scene.

i met my friend for a drink the other night so we could catch up on what's going on in our worlds.

what happened to the corn nuts? they're no more. how very sad they've been replaced by their very distant and less-exciting relatives, spiced almonds. well i guess the good thing is your breath isn't as bad. i did proceed to eat the entire bowl of almonds. what i wanna know is where can you get your fill of corn nuts [besides 7-11]?

looking around, things have changed a little. they converted part of their dining room into a lounge area. cool idea but i think they should make it viewable from the bar by removing the divider wall between the bar and the new lounge. i wanna see if there's a more interesting group of people in the lounge as opposed to the bar, where cool people are not this night.

yes, that's the other noticeable change. no cool people which makes me sad. remember, i don't get out much so it's key to see as many single, attractive people as i can in a short amount of time.

the bartender was quite friendly (and pretty cute, i should add) though slow to keep our wine glasses filled and take our order.

he won me over by id'ing me.

we ordered the crab and shrimp nachos. we always used to get this. some chefs would say there's a law against cheese and seafood. i would tend to agree. except in this case. they're just as good as i remembered them. cheesy, i know.

we also shared the hamburgesa (it sounded so much like marchesa i had to try it). oh my, i don't know what they're doing to that burger but it's really the dish to order, i promise you'll be thanking me for trying it. on buttered sourdough and served with hand cut fries. i'll go back for that snack for sure. we gobbled up and left. on to proof in hopes of seeing some interesting washingtonians.

{something must've been going on thursday night; some big party we didn't know about. we kept trying and we didn't find cool people anywhere. fortunately more friends joined us. sometimes we just are the cool people i guess.}

central michel richard, 1001 pennsylvania avenue nw, dc

my beloved central. it's pronounced "sen 'TRAHL" just so you know. i will try to keep this on the up and up and report as unbiased as possible.

you see, it's hard to do though. having cooked there, i've sampled nearly everything on the menu at one time or another. i could go on and on and on but i need to keep this succinct.

i cooked for michel richard for nearly three years all together, a third of that time at central. i loved central the first time i went - two birthdays ago, after they'd just opened. i love the concept of this restaurant - it's open and airy with great lighting, cool seating no matter where you're placed. (i prefer the bar area.) i love that michel's big jolly face is plastered on the back wall, though if your eyes don't focus properly it just looks like a big red and white abstract painting. i think the wall of glass holding all the glorious bottles of wine is genius. i love the sculpture of stacked oversized plates greeting you at the door. and of course the view of the kitchen is probably best since i know what really goes on in there....watch next time you visit. pay attention to what's going on in there. it's not a picnic; it's not for the weak at heart. it's a crazy show and if you look carefully you'll realize you can see and hear some of the magic of cedric's kitchen. ok i might miss it a little. while all this attention to detail in the decor of central is important in creating an atmosphere, what it comes down to is the food. the food is is the central focus.

back to the food. well here i chose to spend another birthday. i know how much effort goes into each dish. i know that each menu item was designed with love and creativity and care and is executed with pride, technique, attention, top quality and then more love.

this was a birthday i didn't feel like going out at all for (i want to stop getting older for crying out loud, i just want it to stop already!) i told the girls early in the day: game off, i don't want to go out and celebrate. i didn't give them the gory details because they're ridiculous: i didn't feel pretty, didn't feel motivated to go out, didn't have anything to wear, felt fat, i didn't want my girlfriends spending a bunch of money, just got back from a week of drinking and eating in the islands, blah, blah, blah.

i had plenty of reasons not to go out. but then i realized: i am tan in february. i am so going out. so i emailed the girls: game on. i emailed my friend and chef, cedric, to tell him i'm comin' in for my birthday, hoping they'd have key space in the bar area for us.

oh the good karma (barma) we had - and help from bartender friends who tipped us off about who was leaving from the tables in the bar! yippee. there were just 6 of us. nice, manageable group (i don't like it when there's 10-12 of us and you can't talk, it's an unruly number of people to fit places, etc., probably because i'm officially a dinosaur/stick-in-the-mud).

we had at first a too-sweet bottle of sparkling (probably a prosecco or maybe it was the rose, it's a little blurry). we quickly remedied that by drinking it off and ordering a different bottle, i think the gosset brut excellence. i popped over to the kitchen to say hi to my friends and colleagues working. (while i love to work in the kitchen, i think i'm still glad i don't right now, especially because i can enjoy a night like this like it's meant to be enjoyed, stress-free, filled with good food and drinks and my dear friends in what i think is my favorite resto in town.)

the service was embarrassingly good. the waiters and bartenders (some of whom i used to get into arguments with - sorry) were doting on us - we were treated so kindly and like queens for an evening. i certainly felt more special than i had in a while. it was exactly what i needed on my birthday.

what didn't the kitchen send to us? the kitchen sink. in my head i can hear cedric yelling at the cooks - VIP!!!

we had a dozen plump oysters, served with cocktail sauce and red wine vinegar.

next - a mountain of frogs' legs that were simply wonderful. if you think you might not like frogs' legs, you should definitely try them at central. stop turning your nose up at them. they're so delicately perfect yet love a great sauce because they're fried. they have the texture of a white fish but taste more like chicken. they use a sweet and sour and spicy "bbq" sauce here. they're not just for hillbillies. try them, they're yummy.

we also had wonderful steak tartare with french fries. i always think the tartare needs a bit of salt but i love it - it is one of my all-time favorites. it's so rich but i could eat the entire large order myself. i know i could.

oh and make no mistake: the fries are the best in town. hands down. no question. stop questioning it. stop arguing it. stop voting on it in magazines. they are unequivocally the best. i was sad i only got two fries. wait, what the?

we had the salmon tart - probably an underrated appetizer - i don't know. it seemed like we sent out a lot when i worked in the kitchen. please do order it: if i was a regular here, i'd order it every time. i love love love it. crispy, salty, creamy. oh and cedric put some secret stash of caviar all over it. how indulgent. i love caviar. i need caviar. where can i get a good caviar service in town? dc coast? i digress.

i think that was it. i hope i didn't leave anything out. i feel like i'm leaving something out.

well until dessert came. holy mother of sweetness.

banana split - amazing, sinful, should be illegal; it probably is in montgomery county
"kit kat" bar - way better when someone else makes it for you and serves it to you. the hazelnut sauce is to die for. i could just eat that. like soup.
creme brulee - the creamiest most delicate creme brulee texture you could dream of. (needs more vanilla maybe?). i'd like to know what's up with that. it's definitely hard to get that perfect of a texture. it was like pudding. i'm gonna ask how it's done over there. flawless.

oh what a marvelous night it was. there was nothing missing from it. nothing at all. i don't even wish there'd be a cute guy hitting on me. it was a perfect night.