objects in rearview mirror are less important than they appear

happy procrastination friday. facebook's 25 things about me that might bore the bejesus out of you.
originally published 2 february, 2009.

1. i avoid using the shift key and rarely use caps. i like to type as fast as i can. someone told me for christmas he'd like to buy me a shift key. who cares? at least i don't shorten everything on top of that, like lol, lmao, lmfao, ttyl, bfn, bff, etc. i also do not use emoticons or put :), :P, ;) or any of that baloney after my sentences. (i think it's pretty cute when guys do it though.)

2. i never update my facebook status. why? because mine would just constantly say, jennifer tye is procrastinating. jennifer tye is being nosy and checking out your info. jennifer tye is mentally beating herself up for not doing what she really needs to be doing. jennifer tye is lazy. etc. and i really don't want you all to know that. p.s. for those of you who can "cook dinner, put the kids to bed, take apart your car engine and put it back together" while on facebook - rock on.

3. i am addicted to caffeine and don't feel bad about it at all. Never have, never will. my mom gave me coffee when i was 3 and i never looked back. at christmas my dad swapped out the hi-test for decaf. after a day-long headache i figured this out. i am addicted to caffeine.

4. speaking of coffee, i drink it with full-on heavy whipping cream and don't feel bad about that either. i think skim milk is horse-puckey and you might as well just put water in your coffee. if you haven't treated yourself to this little luxury, you should. did you know that skim milk is only 2% less fat than 2% milk? and 2% milk is only 2% less fat than whole milk? that whole milk is only 16% less fat than half and half? and half and half is only 18% less fat than heavy cream - which is only 36-40% total fat (way less than a stick of butter)? let me tell you that culinary school has paid off in more ways than you can imagine. oh the knowledge i have. thanks, chef brian.

5. my highschool boyfriend told me i was getting fat and i think i've had problems with body image ever since. thanks, rusty. no, really, thanks. it's thanks to you that i get my arse off the sofa half the time.

6. i only really started cooking when i was in my late 20's and before that i knew practically nothing. that's all i'll say about that for fear of giving my age away. turns out i have a knack for it.

7. speaking of age, i don't answer that question anymore. i won't join the stillwater class of 19XX because of that. i don't have my birthday on here because of that. for those of you tagging me in photos from the 80's i will tell everyone that you were my babysitters. i don't know why and i don't know when i developed a fear of people thinking i'm old. my friends think it's weird. i feel young and i just don't want to talk about it. that's all. next.

8. i read a lot. i read all that "crap" we were supposed to read in high school and college. i can't stand mindless romance novels. surprise, surprise, i know, coming from the girl who likes lifetime tv for women movies and reality tv.

9. i have enough "self portraits" to fill multiple photo albums. i love digital cameras for this reason alone - the days of wondering if they're gonna turn out are gone. click, view, oops, repeat, click, view, oops, repeat, click, view, nope, repeat, til you get a good one. try it.

10. nerd alert: i do sudoku every morning while enjoying my first cup of coffee.

11. i often buy things without thinking about the consequences. it usually works out well. this goes double for my dog, philippe.

12. speaking of philippe, he has chewed up more things than i have admitted to friends. if i told the total value of what he's chewed/destroyed you'd wonder why i've kept him at all. i sure do love that lil guy. he makes me real happy most of the time.

13. when i moved to stillwater after having lived in greece for two years, i was traumatized when i went to school in my wal-mart clothes and payless shoes only to find that children developed style when i was overseas. everyone looked so cute. we didn't know where to buy anything, not that my parents would've cared since i was only 10. i wore fake nikes and a fake "fur" coat and fake boat shoes. it was painful. see #14.

14. i buy shoes, handbags and many, many clothes, with very little buyer's remorse. (i also have a knack for justifying purchases so call me if you need help with that.) i can't admit how many points i earned last year at neiman marcus or my friends would put me in the looney bin. this does not include purchases made at my friends' boutiques, which can also be problematic. i need to stop. see #15.

15. i am paying off my debt and will be debt-free, except for house and school loan, by the end of this year. stop laughing, i'm serious.

16. i cannot have the following items in my house as i cannot be trusted with them: peanut butter, nutella, cereal, ice cream with little treasures in it like ben & jerry's, leftover pizza. i eat these things until they are finished - i cannot sleep until they're gone. i have thrown out nearly full jars of peanut butter when i only needed a small amount for a recipe because of this, even though there are people starving. i also believe that if you're gonna be bad, do it all in one day - don't drag it out for a week/month/year.

17. i would cook in a restaurant the rest of my life if chefs weren't so underpaid. i love the action. i love all the wonderful ingredients at your fingertips, stainless steel workspaces. i love a 1500 degree french cooktop. i think i also secretly love getting yelled at. in french. by an attractive french guy.

18. i drive really fast on the highway. i have to be the car in front and for some reason can't just drive behind someone in the slow lane. see a pattern here yet? gosh i have issues.

19. the saddest day so far in my life was when my cat, toby died. sounds shallow but i've been fortunate enough that no one close to me has tragically died, except from old age, which is different.

20. i have tried online dating and blind dating, getting set up, hiring a matchmaker, but found it all to be useless and unromantic. i am a walking seinfeld episode, keying in on the weirdest things, knowing full-well i am far from perfect. i believe i might be single forever. honestly. and i don't know if i'm ok with that.

21. i have loved matt damon since i saw him in mystic pizza and school ties. i'm real sad he keeps having babies that chick.

22. my right foot is nearly a full size bigger than my left. this does not handicap me in any way though. no pain, no gain.

23. i never judge people by what they do. i believe you have no idea why people do things unless you're them. i appreciate the same non-judgemental respect in return. i might judge people by what they wear though. personal style, whatever it is, is critical. i write this while wearing my sweatpants, of course, but that's because i should be walking my dog, not this silly long list.

24. even though i'm a chef, i love tony's frozen pizza. original crust. none of this monkey business with di giorno and freschetta, blah, blah, blah. cheap and crispy. i also love the whopper with cheese though i haven't a clue where the nearest burger king is.

25. i'm a sucker for a guy with an accent. or a guitar. or these days, even a large knife.

26. please brace yourself for a doozy/little known fact a few lucky people who finished this huge list get to know: i have a led zepplin tatoo on my butt that was put there by a peg-legged man called harpoon barry. i also own the full collection of britney spears. i still love her classics.