legal seafoods, tyson's galleria, mclean virginia

this is not a restaurant review. this instead is a blind date review. why? because there's really only one reason to eat at legal seafoods - there's nothing else around, there's no reason to talk about their food. it's marginal and that's being generous. legal seafoods serves a purpose: you're at the airport grabbing a bite, at the mall grabbing a bite (on a blind date) and you have to eat something. you all know i'm not a chain restaurant girl.

my point for this blog is to offer some of jt's quick tips on dating. on blind dating. what not to do. if you don't like these, think i'm a biatch, over-sensitive, picky, seinfeld episode, shallow, etc., great. i am. i am all of those things. in the defense of the chap who was my blind date, how was he to know i'm not into making grand plans with someone whom i just met (dude, show some restraint). i'm also not that outdoorsy (show another side to your personality). i'm an admirer of great personal style (first impressions are very important).

So, in the interest of time, i've bullet-pointed a few helpful tips.

1) do not call someone at 8am to schedule possible date
a) do not call someone twice more the same day just to chat
b) do not call that person twice the next day if you've already set up plans to meet in two days; that's considered excessive and borderline stalking and you run the risk of not getting to meet the girl at all

2) do not talk incessantly about yourself on the phone or in person

3) do not show up wearing shorts, t-shirt, tennis shoes, pullover rain jacket for a first date. unless you're in hawaii, california, any of the caribbean islands where it's super hot (and raining) and the plan is to do something outdoors

4) when you do finally decide to ask your date a question, kindly listen to the answer without interrupting and for the love of all things holy, don't fidget like you can barely contain yourself because you have something so freaking interesting to say when she's finished talking
a) do not finish date's sentences

5) don't ask date you just met to take a hiking trip to the grand canyon or white water kayaking in west virginia
a) this is especially true if date is particularly stylish, wearing 4" platform louboutins and huge jimmy choo bag

note: some of you are thinking, "wow - that's a dream date. i'd do that in a heartbeat." yes, well, you're not single - you're in love with your significant other. imagine these things whilst sitting across from overwhelming blind date coming on way too strong who's not notably attractive or charming or intuitive.

6) if date acts uninterested in this, don't proceed to ask him/her to take a long weekend in south carolina or italy. it's just desperate, unattractive, overwhelming. hell, i can't breathe, can someone open a window?

7) do not ask date what to tip the server; at this stage, everyone should know, i don't care if you are a horse dentist from the UK
a) if you do ask and date answers this ridonkulous question, tip what he/she recommended, or more, never ever less. anything less makes you look cheap and certainly makes for an awkward ending to the date

warning: behaving like this on first date may send a commitment-phobe running as fast as she can into the warm embrace of neiman marcus to snuggle with some new oversized-yet sporty prada sunglasses and spectacular gold gladiator sandals. she may even resort to opening a charge card at saks to cope.